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Sophie Elliott: I can't forgive

Since the murder of her daughter Sophie, Lesley Elliott has been a reserved but relentless campaigner. Yet she's also had to battle her own demons. Adam Dudding spends a day with her at her Dunedin home.

Lesley Elliott suspects she's going to Hell. But she's OK with that.

To get into Heaven instead, she'd really need to forgive Clayton Weatherston for coming into her house and knifing her daughter Sophie to death in front of her, for mutilating the body, and for trying to destroy Sophie's reputation during the ensuing murder trial.

"The Lord's Prayer says you should forgive. But when I went to church after Sophie died I couldn't say that part ... The bottom line is, if I have to go to hell then so be it. That's my payment. I don't care. I will never give in on that."

But ..."I feel a bit sad about it, because I want to be with Soph."

It looks a bit hellfire and brimstoney once you put it in print, wild-eyed even, but that's not how it sounds when it's being said by Lesley Elliott, 64, neonatal nurse, lactation consultant, one-time union rep, wife, mother and reluctant media celebrity.

She's contained, measured, matter-of-fact. Her life was bent out of shape that day in January 2008 when Sophie's ex-boyfriend talked his way in then stabbed the 22-year-old 216 times, but she has diligently built a new one on the wreckage. She has set up a foundation in Sophie's name devoted to educating young women about relationship abuse, has co-written a book about Sophie, and she and her husband Gil have given a million and one interviews offering their forthright opinions about tutor-student relationships, the defence of provocation, and victims' rights in the justice system. They forge on – grim-faced at times – but they forge on.

The Elliotts still live in the house where Weatherston killed Sophie – a comfortable home in the quiet and unflashy Dunedin suburb of Ravensbourne, up a steep windy road from the harbour. Gil is usually home only at weekends; he runs the laboratory at Dunstan Hospital in Central Otago, a couple of hours' drive away.

On Tuesday morning, the sky was an almost cloudless blue, the air crisp. In the sitting room, though, there was a woodburner roaring and it was toasty. Elliott ushered me in, disappeared briefly to get some tea and biscuits, then took her armchair next to the fire.

The skinny coffee table in the centre of the room is covered in candles, flowers and framed photos of Sophie. There's a small plastic Christmas tree next to the china cabinet, festooned with cards and tiny soft toys, bird and butterfly decorations, and a deflated red balloon. It's not a Christmas tree, says Elliott – it's a "memorial tree" to Sophie.

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